INSMITTENATED

Well, i totally am. Smitten and infatuated at the same time. He just struck me with everything that he says. IDK. i don't wanna be a douchetardassface like i was before. I kept making my hopes high that somebody would be dumb to looooove me, care for a least. I'm too dizzausted from everything that happened way back in the sixties. Ugh. Its totally epuk - epic as f*ck. I mean, It's the same ol' story e-ve-ry-day. Me retelling what happened to US - moiz && the peckerhead. yep! gone berserk. like totally.

Now and again. Somebody came. Telling me sweet nothings and love-you du jours, and i don't wanna go for sherian. i ain't gonna bust my own sh*t no more. Argh. I'm just sooooo wayyyyyy confUHused. I feel like i'm a fey, though i am not. ugh. to think that he's so far from here. like REALLY far - outta Philly. +( which made me go putzing around everytime i go to bed. He's kinda strict && protective with everything. totally dramastic. but i find it sweet && me likey :) I just hope he's got all the gahoonies to go all the way here so that we'll be together, Thassall. +'(

coz i don't wanna get hurt anymore. i don't wanna be left alone again and again. i don't wanna get allf*cked over 'em gringos. most of all, i don't wanna love no more. T__T

this thing is outrageously gai. and i hope that i won't be caught off the hook again - for like the nth time.
i'm sowwwww afraid 'coz He#1 left me and He#2 asked me to leave. Isn't that annoying?! Why wouldn't anyone want to stay?!

here comes He#3. a total babeyeak. he's the cutest thing. hope he doesn't change ^___^

kuu.

acoustic soundproofs

the basics were taught.
i learned easily.
i had my first morning duty,
THE NEIGHBORHOOD.
with my partner.
i woke up soundly.
truth is,
i'm not used to waking up early.
i hated mornings.
i just wanted to suck up to my pillow
the whole time...

it was very awkward for me.

i mean,it's normal,maybe.

i just can't imagine myself

talking and talking on a single microphone

yet,many people can hear me

without them seeing me.

quite superficial,isn't it?

but i must get used to it.

at least start to.

then,there it goes,

i was already doing all the talking.

with and without a partner.

i felt chilly doing that thing alone.

i made mistakes,yes.

and i hate making mistakes.

but i have to,

i need to,

for me to learn.

there i was.

a dj.

doing all the adlibs

in the world.

haha.

saying things i wanted to say

unmindful of the people listening

and taking tracks on me.

it was quite a relief.

a move away stress.

it was fun.

so fun.

when clouds sing

after i got back from summer

i prepared my applications and went to the radio station.

got the chance to talk to one of the jocks...

was told to wait for a callback.

i'm not really used to being turned down...

that's the reason why i had sleepless nights

and even became sorta paranoid..

i took a huge breath when the program manager finaly contacted me.
i was like "wahh.finally!"
it was really exhilirating.
the fact that i was chosen among a bunch of dj-wannabes
lucky,no,i wasn't lucky.
it wasn't just any luck
it was me, the extraordinaire
it was me,a part of me
that helped me make it...
and i'm proud of myself
and i thank GOD for giving me the talent
....to screw up.[laughs&&giggles]

i stood up from that wholly ground

gave myself a tap on the back...

i'm happy not because of the fame that'll near me...

i'm happy because i will get to live out my passion.

passion for music.

love for music.

life.

since childhood,

this had been one of my dreams

i'm thankful it came true.

i promise i won't bluff

..and keep my feet on the ground

me and my star

Absolute fascination with stars-that's what i'm into.
I love seeing those teeny-weeny headlights scattered in that velvet blanket.
I'm used to catching a glimpse when I feel muggy and sad.
Seeing them gives me a sigh of relief.
Then again, I'm back to reality.
The reality that morning's still coming
and that I have to chase all my troubles away....

Stars are patterned with dreams, right?

It's beacuse of its nocturnal context.

You see stars at night and dream of dreams at night.

makes sense?

I onced dreamed a lot.

Not mentioning the impossible.

It was my dream for the impossible to happen.

Then again, back to my bed,

tried to wipe the wet tears that stained my pillows...

Since a lass,
I dreamed of becoming a disc jock.
An actress, perhaps, but more like a musician.
I used radio antennas and perfume bottles as my microphone.
I recorded my voice and imitated what I hear over the radio.
It was frustrating for me because I thought I got no chance.
But to hell's surprise,
I made it and it's all beacuse of my STAR...

blue hour

hoowee!

now was the time to claim my birthright...

and that was to do what i wanted to do.

I admit, I'm a sucker for getting what i want.

I'm not spoiled nor a brat

but I just had a knack on keeping things my way.

I don't know,

maybe craziness peeped in.

Ok then, so here we go.This may sound way cheesy or sadistic in a more contemporary explanation. I wanted a guy badly that when i finally got him, i never wanted to let go.Yet, it ended up me turning the tracks for him. I became a doom cookie since then (and maybe until now) but people aren't surprised anymore. I really loved him so much but our affair (coz i don't consider it a serious relationship because he never was serious.duh.) was more like vengeful and demeaning. I looked like a rebound or something. He never cared about me though he acted like he do. It was fun being with him. Truthfully, I enjoyed being with him because he was the one guy I loved next to my father.

Yeah. I miss him very much. He knew me too damn well. He even told me not to focus on getting what I want. I liked the way he showed how he knew me. But then again, that made it easier for him to enter my life then just leave. Maybe soon i'll forget all about him, or maybe not. I tried my best but couldn't go any further. Those were my blue hours. Time when my heart was at its peak,couldn't get any higher, and soon may just drop dead.

ziihendz

I already knew for myself that i'm not like any other girls.

I act different, think different, live different, and love being different.

Maybe i just considered myself different among others...

but hey, it's me.

I'm tired of the saying that "we are all unique"

yeah right so what happens next?

trying to be someone else you're not?Like c'mon!

it's the 21st century.

you can no longer teach kids to be unique & feel their indifference.

We're all equal?! still, no.

For me, I am who I am and i'll be who I want to be...

So there I was..

a student,a daughter, a girl for keepsakes.
I made good in class and all the extra-curricular activities.

I made president,

a student patrol, part of the prom committee,

and you can see my face on every event in school.

what a sweet success for a normal student in an exclusive school for girls huh?!

but the, criticism strikes in.

i tried my best to fit in their shoes...

I tried doing all things that will please 'em...

but you can't please everybody...

I graduated from highschool and went to college.

I never knew that it'll be a different world for me...

It was fun,really fun...

I love knocking out all the teachers with my unpredicted ideas.

I'm a yeasayer but i love my opinions and the way i sweat it all out.

I was almost like any other giddy students.

I got absent, late, and was even chased after by the lady guard...

but i tell you,

it spelled fun as in F-U-N!

when and how

It was summer then. i heard over the radio that there's a look-out for a new dj. i desperately wanted to try out but before i got the chance, they already hired one.so, off i go and enjoyed one of my BIGGEST yet tiresome summer escapades. i was worn out and depressed from an affair that didn't last that long. i needed to find may way out of my own mess. when i got back home, i heard that there's another opening. i submitted my resume and i admit...those callback days and nights were quite dreary...